In Dialogue: Tiana Gidley
In Dialogue: Tiana Gidley
In his book, Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment, and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words, David Whyte writes, “Beauty is the harvest of presence.”
When I think of beauty, I, impacted by David Whyte, think of an ability to prioritize presence: presence with oneself, presence with those we hold closely, and presence with near strangers.
When I think of an ability to be present, I think of Tiana Gidley. Anyone who is fortunate to know Tiana has experienced how she brings curiosity, comfort, and safety to any conversation. If you sit across a table from Tiana, it is promised you will feel like the most important person in the room. When I speak with her, I am certain I have her full attention. She asks evocative questions, and she exquisitely listens. She inspires me to deepen my curiosity about the places and people around me, and she exemplifies what it means to honestly hear someone.
Tiana herself also has a powerful presence. She strikes a balance of emitting joy and confidence without intimidation. She knows who she is, and she persistently attempts to uncover more of who she is as time passes.
David Whyte also writes, “Beauty is the conversation between what we think is happening outside in the world and what is just about to occur far inside us.” Tiana also has an impressive way of witnessing the world around her and subsequently learning personal, specific lessons from its teachings. Tiana is present with herself because she first present with the world around her.
Tiana is the founder and owner of Tiana Gidley Creative, a full-service design studio that helps build beautiful and intentional brands online. She designed my book proposal for The Wiley Canning Company Cookbook, the catalyst to its ultimate creation and success.
Tiana is also the creator of WITHIN, a self-reflection journal full of thoughtful prompts.
Below, Tiana and I are in dialogue about mindset, power, friendship, and more.
Chelsea: One major mindset shift I have had to adopt at Wiley is a shift from from, “I didn’t get more done today,” to “Look at all I accomplished today.” As women, partners, and business owners, our list of action items is endless, at times. If we let it, this list can cause us to feel like we are not ever finished, or like we are not getting enough done day to day. This, of course, can lead to feelings of shame or inadequacy. So, instead of focusing on what I did not complete, I try hard to focus on what I did complete. This is, honestly, a daily practice—one I have to be aware of each and every day.
How do you, as a woman, partner, business owner, and loyal, consistent friend, operate from a place of abundance? In other words, how do you feel proud and satisfied by the work and relationships you do create and nourish day to day? Do you have one piece of advice for others, like me, trying hard to honor the abundance of their lives, as opposed to the scarcity?
Tiana: The immediate response that comes to mind has something to do with ensuring that where I am focusing my time, energy, and efforts feels in alignment with my truth. As women (and as human beings in general), every day we are faced with a series of micro-decisions. What I'm starting to realize is that these micro-decisions, like essential pieces to some unknown puzzle, eventually create the entire mosaic that is one's life. To feel as though I am truly operating from a place of abundance, I must first assess if the actions I'm taking are in accordance with my truth. If not, I believe I could spend my whole life "doing things" that don't wholly sustain me, eventually winding up in a place I never intended to be. In order to decipher if something feels in alignment with my truth, I use an inner compass of intuitive trust I've spent the last few years rediscovering and fortifying. When I operate from this place, sentiments like satisfaction and nourishment come more easily. That would be my advice for everyone: pause and give yourself the space to reflect on if the to-do list feels in alignment with your truth and the brightest, most colorful version of the life you aim to create. If not, then who or what are you doing it for?
Chelsea: You recently turned thirty years old. The photo and words you shared on your birthday are honest and honorable. You call attention to the push and pull between insecurity and power. In one moment, we might feel small…insecure. In another, we might fill a room; we’re powerful. If we focus on the latter, power, what comes to mind for you? In other words, what allows you to feel powerful? What allows you to stand tall and strong?
Tiana: I think if you would have asked me this question a year ago, my response would look much different, and I hope it changes a year from now still. In this present moment, what makes me feel powerful is a deep reverence for who I inherently am, and the role I play in this lifetime. For far too long, I attempted to create a wall of self-preservation composed entirely of what I thought others expected of me. You can imagine how fragile this so-called fortress turned out to be. As I began to dismantle these perceived layers of protection, I was forced to ask myself what armor I would don in its place. Armor, by nature, makes the wearer feel strong, but for me, the question always comes back to, "What is that armor rooted in? What anchors it into place?" Slowly but surely, I started to craft my view-of-self based not on what others wanted me to be, but who I felt I was at my core when I quieted the past conditioning and "shoulds". This manifests through the courage to choose my needs, even if it means disrupting others, as well as through choosing to view my hopes and desires through the eyes of tenderness, as opposed to incessant logic, to name but a couple examples. In short, I feel strong when I honor myself, even when the world tells me it isn't safe or appropriate to do so.
Chelsea: In this specific season of life, what is one trait you value in a close colleague or friend? Right now, in a season of life with a young child, I notice I value ease and flexibility. I feel loved when a close friend casually pops by to visit Sullivan and me, and I feel understood when I’m met with ease and grace when I need to reschedule a commitment due to our family’s ever-changing needs.
Tiana: Because the past year orbited a lot around restoring confidence and comfortability in my being, I've especially cherished when others have granted me both permission and encouragement to be myself. When the majority of your existence is in response to how others feel about you, you become acutely aware of your own presence. Your flaws seem unforgivable. Living in your skin feels unbearable at times. The ego can be so relentless. Choosing to honor my truth is hard work, especially after nearly 30 years of abandoning it. This year though, I was fortunate enough to foster a friendship with someone very special that challenged me in all the ways I didn't realize I needed. Every time I silenced myself in the name of shifting the focus elsewhere to present as someone more palatable (My ego: "People like women who aren't too loud, too selfish''), she'd rebuttal, "No, go back. I want to hear about you. This time, give me the whole story." Slowly but surely, she invited me to show up outside of my own self-protective narrative of what I thought I needed to be. Not only that, but she reminded me how beautiful that true and complete version is. This friend I speak of knows how much this meant, but I wish I could express in words just how much she gave me. When every bit of you is screaming that who you are isn't enough, having someone provide a safe space, however small, to be exactly that? Precisely who you are? Well, it changes everything.
Chelsea: We live in a culture of improvement, or betterment. We are often encouraged to improve our health, mindfulness, social skills, and more; the list is endless, it seems. If, for a moment, we immersed ourselves in a world of pure, unadulterated satisfaction and acceptance, one without a desire to improve any part of ourselves, what parts of yourself feel most valuable? In other words, what don’t you feel a need to improve? What makes you proud as is?
Tiana: My mind wanders to the smallest moments: the way the sun looks as it flickers through the blinds in the morning, this ineffable feeling of satisfaction coursing through me, knowing my people (Sam and my dog, Pete) are in bed close by; the pride that serendipitously swells in my heart after I leave a day of leading and directing in a way I can only describe as synergistic; the "ah-ha" moment of remembrance when I let myself indulge in something purely for fun and discover I've awoken something previously denied and dormant. When I think about what makes me proud as is, it's some amazing amalgamation of that. Those moments and the fact that I have the courage to reach for them time and time again, especially when it feels hard and even when I don't think I know how.
Chelsea: What is one food-related habit, priority, or value rooted in your past, with family or close friends, that you wish to carry forward into the future? If there isn’t one, what might you start?
Tiana: The value of curiosity. I recently rediscovered my love for cooking as an artform. When I fantasize about what this has looked like in my life, I'm brought back to late nights chopping and stirring and dancing in a bright and fragrant kitchen, my dad as lead chef and me as his sous during our designated visits every other weekend. When I distill down the memory, the undercurrent of these special times was always curiosity. What new recipes can we try? What do our taste-buds tell us the dish needs? What might I discover about someone over this shared meal? I see food as one way to witness the beauty of this world (love, connection, inspiration) manifested. I hope to always carry with me the curiosity to see where it leads.
You can follow Tiana on Instagram here. You can find her website here, as well as her self-reflective journal here and digital course here.
Photos by: Chelsea J. O’Leary